Water, Water, Everywhere

My third Sunday in Germany has come and is quickly ending. Everything up to this point has been pretty awesome and I dedicated today to homework and watching The Wire for as many hours as I could stomach vegetating. Clearly I'm taking a break from all of the other super productive things I've done today (e.g. eating, listening to music, reading stupid German articles to try and better myself) to do some keyboard magic. As we can see, I have very few complaints thus far, of course it takes a bit of time to adjust to certain differences but I'd argue that that's part of the process. But I have the largest inclination to complain about something. So brace yourselves, ladies and gentlemen, for the most immaculate condemnation of Germany I can come up with after a two week spread.

The Most Accessible Water in All of Germany

Where in the world is my water?

I'm sure that this has been a problem the past two times I've been in Alemania but I think that the third time it's been greatly exacerbated by the fact that I'll be here for an entire year. Like seriously, Germany, step up your game. I guess I need to explain myself a bit more before bashing a country I sometimes consider as homely to me as the great US of A. To put it bluntly, sometimes water seems as scarce in the industrialized country of Germany as it would be in the Sahara. Where are my water fountains? Where are my free glasses of water at restaurants? Where are my free toilets? Matter of fact, I'm pretty sure if I were dying of dehydration I'd place a larger stake in finding water in the Sahara than walking into a restaurant and asking for a free glass of tap water. Not only would they look at me like I had the plague (I imagine I'd look pretty bad if I were dying of dehydration so this wouldn't be too much of a shock), but they'd briskly ask me to shovel over some exorbitant amount of money, like 2.50 for a glass of mineral water. Are you kidding?

Dude, I'm DYING of dehydration, and you want me to PAY you for water? If I had enough time to wait, I could just stand outside with my neck craned up to the heavens like a turkey and save myself the 2.50. Instead, my haggard soul has to pay the price for your hoarding  of the most abundant resource on the entire planet. Of course this is all hyperbolic, but would not be too shocked to see some semblance of this event play out in Liebe Deutschland.

I envy you buddy...

Honestly, it's like water is the Nemo to my Marlin. Now I'm no expert on the ocean, but if a freaking clownfish (who's not that funny, by the way) can find his son lost somewhere in the Pacific, why in the world can't I find a water fountain somewhere in a city? It just doesn't add up.

If anything got lost in translation by the way, this is not an event that is limited strictly to restaurants. Gambling on walking into that shopping mall and finding a water fountain? Nah-uh. How about the local park? People will be active so of course it would make sense to build in a water fountain for the little whipper-snappers to refuel themselves under the sun.  Nice try. Well I'll definitely be able to fill up my water bottle in a nice, sanitary water fountain when I get to language school, right?  How about the tap in the bathroom, that's a great alternative.

Hell, it wouldn't catch me by surprise if their professional athletes have to put down a deposit to drink water during their games just to make sure that they get their bottles back.

 I don't know if I'm exaggerating that I have seen only one or two installations of free, accessible water in Germany, the first I remember vibrantly because I thought they'd be all over the place, is located in the Ohm-Gymnasium in Erlangen. The second musta been somewhere else or maybe I just started seeing mirages during my debilitating dehydration.

By the way, I was at the Ohm-Gymnasium in 2008. That's...1...2...3...4 years ago, and 1...2...3..trips to Germany but only 1...2...water fountains. Peculiar? I'd say so.

The irony of this all, is of course, that even though I wish there were more water in Germany, I'm pretty sure I've manifested a beautiful ability to rehydrate myself primarily with beer. Why in the world would I spend 2 euros on a bottle of water (this is really no exaggeration) when I can buy a bottle of beer for 1.30. You know all those stereotypes about Germans and their beer? It's stuff like this that keeps them perpetuated.

Matter of fact, let's re-run this hyperbolic example of earlier. Still dying, still dehydrated, but this time instead of water, I ask for a beer. Now in my experiences in Germany, I've gotten my fair share of free beer (must have something to do with my bubbly visage) but I think the only place I can recall consistently getting free water was at my uncle's house and at my internship. Logical. The first one is a family member, what else can I expect? The second was receiving a service from me, of course they don't want me croaking on the job. These Germans and their logic!

Whatever, I think I'm getting dizzy because of the lack of water so I may have to cut this venting session off pretty shortly. I guess I can leave you with one piece of advice that will serve you well if you're traveling to Alemania for an extended period of time. Bring a water purifier and a water bottle or maybe seven, depending on how much water you think you need to drink during a day out in the city. Cause once you leave home, there's no telling when you'll find yourself wandering across a marvelous German oasis.

Okay, I think I've done everything I set out to do this Sunday. Going to go look for water in the Sahara now, because Germany sure as heck doesn't have enough.