Second Hand Smoke

I've never been a big fan of smoking. It's not anything more than I just have never really understood the entire appeal around cigarrettes. I mean, people know they're unhealthy, they smell terrible, and they come with other inconveniences (see: addiction). Regardless, a huge amount of people smoke. This is something I've known for my entire life but it seems, at least to me, that the United States has done a wonderful job of making the smoking culture as subdued as possible. That's not something I can say about German smoking culture.

Last summer, when I returned to the US from Germany I had a very interesting experience. The first smell I could notice in the airport was something that was seemingly foreign after three months away but I immediately recognized what it was with a big inhale: cooking grease. It was a pretty symbolic return to the states, if I wasn't so ecstatic to be off of a plane and seeing some familiar sights, I would have probably gone to the closest bathroom and gagged. If grease is the symbolic smell of American culture, then smoking is absolutely the symbolic smell of German culture. I suppose it's just one of those observational behaviors that people pick up on (you know, kind of like obese eating habits in the United States but this is a condemnation of neither America's nor Germany's child rearing techniques).

What Cool Kid Wouldn't Want a Pack??

You know, I had a conversation with my guest family about the first time that many Germans have their first taste of alcohol. The consensus was from anywhere between 12-14 with parental guidance. Naturally this isn't as "outrageous" when compared to our American puritanism standard drinking age of 21 as it could be, especially since at 16 they're drinking willy-nilly anyway. My point is simply that, since German kids start drinking so young an integral part of their culture is drinking. I had a conversation with a friend about the first time many Germans have their first cigarette, the age is about the same. Now this isn't too different from the US where a lot of young kids smoke, hell, there are even cigarettes that deliberately target kids in the US. I think the difference is the magnitude of advertising, and socialization that admonishes smoking in Germany.

Personally, this isn't an issue of morality, or immorality. I'm of the firm opinion that whatever someone does to their own body is completely their business as long as it doesn't affect other people. The problem is, Germany, that your smoking does affect me. A. Lot. And other people too I was at a soccer game with my host brother and a few other friends and as I was cheering my head off for Münster on their way to a 3-0 win. But all I could notice was all the kids whose nostrils were getting filled with noxious gas and it disturbed me. Smoke blowing everywhere, cigarettes being lit up here and there, inside, outside, everywhere. For a country so focused on healthy habits, environmental safety and the like, there seems to be a disproportionate amount of people who smoke and it's really out of character of the country.


Like doesn't it seem odd, to see a country of active, constant movers that's been really motivational to my own quest for self-improvement (see: Take The Stairs) but at the same time they, in a rather large proportion of the population, fill their lungs with toxic materials numerous times a day. Hey, whatever sinks your battleship, right? I'm going back to the "neutral" apathetic thinker right now, in the relative security of my home which has never been plagued with the smells of cigarette smoke but I'm certain that when I get that next puff of second hand smoke blown DIRECTLY IN MY FACE I will have some different feelings about it.

And if you need "empirical evidence" well...here you go or here.

So kudos to America for getting it "right." Of course there are still smoking problems but it's not something that I feel is always in my face as apparently as it is here. I mean imagine walking into an airport (the American equivalent of German train stations) and the first smell you detect is cigarette smoke. It's really an unpleasant experience, didn't you know and I feel like Germany is adequately equipped to battle the issue.


So I'll kindly ask you sternly Germany: Fix it. Now. Please?

Before my lungs fail.

Take The Stairs

You all thought I was kidding, huh? About that whole, one blog post for the rest of my time here thing. Well I was, but I did manage to go...what, almost two weeks without writing anything. I always think it's a personal responsibility of mine to chronicle, in written form, my mishaps as a blogger. Two weeks is pretty bad so hopefully I'll make up with it with some major posting during the next twenty days of the first month of winter. 

My Guidebook to German Winters

Winter, that's something that is fresh on my mind. It's pretty cold out. As such, it requires consistent preparation. I have to garb myself in layer upon layer of clothing before stepping out to face the elements. Now I'm a logical human being, that means I like to spend the least amount of time possible out in the cold. That means that usually when I'm in the cold, I'm heading somewhere. That means that my journeys outside are usually pretty short-lived. One thing that isn't short lived is the excessive sweating that happens afterwards. Gross, right? Really simple equation actually: wear warm clothes, head out into the elements, exercise (in my case, biking) and then enter a warm environment. 

It never fails. I'm always sweating. I could probably amend my previous rant about water if I could find some way to desalinate all the water I lose through my pores. 

The funny thing about the first three paragraphs I just wrote is that they lead up to the phenomenon that I've experienced so consistently in Germany: 

No one is fat. 

I know, I know, it's an exaggeration, obviously there is someone, somewhere in Irgendwo, Deutschland, that's fat. I would love to befriend that one person and figure out how in the hell he fell through the cracks of German society. Seriously, if I could do some massive study of average weight in Germany, I'd not be surprised to see it was 20 or so pounds less than the average in the United States. At first you might want to think, "well there's a smaller sample size, of course there going to be less fat people" but I'm talking proportions and percentages here. Here...let's do a social experiment. If you're in a large enough university, go into your next class with 300+ people in it and count how many people you would quantify as "overweight." I'll do the same. 

What'll 2018 Look Like? 

Done. Zero. 

Now this is no decry that Germans are a super race (I tread softly using this analogy, given Liebe Deutschland's grizzly history with the term, just my creative prose leaking through) of people who can't happen to gain weight, it's simply an observation about a culture that enjoys movement more than convenience and activity more than comfortability. There have been many a times I've been tempted back towards my "American roots" of laziness. Now c'mon, baby America, you know I love you, but you've really let your figure go. I'd like to say that with a surplus of food, resources and wealth inhabitants of a country gain weight but this is ridiculous I can't make excuses for your laziness anymore. 

Let me clarify though, just because everyone here isn't overweight doesn't mean everyone is ripped either. That's certainly also not the case. I've also marveled at the opposite, which is, it seems very few Germans like to do anything "extra" along the lines of working out. Which isn't really a condemnation, since they stay in good form despite their lack of a punctual workout regiment. That's not really the point, I'm not suggestion we should all look like Barbie & Ken, or whatever the crap the newest variation of girl's dolls are called, but we could definitely take some tips from Germans: 


“All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking.” 
― Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols

“Walking . . . is how the body measures itself against the earth.” 
― Rebecca Solnit, Wanderlust: A History of Walking

Now I'm not sure my German buddy Friedrich was completely right about this one. I mean...all of my blog posts have been written sitting down. But Miss Solnit was on to something. At least you should get the gist. Get out and walk. It's fun, it's beautiful and you get a perspective you can never experience the world in a car, bus, plane, boat, etc. the same way you can as with your own two feet. If you just have the time, anything is in walking distance and there's certainly nothing wrong with slowing down for a few hours. 

Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

- Mark Twain

"What makes the desert beautiful,” said the little prince, “is that somewhere it hides a well."

- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

Although I've complained, stressed, whined, and ranted about German's shortage of easily accessible water, it is  my most often consumed drink. Granted, it beats out beer by like .01 percentage points. (50.01 to 49. 99%). I think this is pretty normal for this lovely culture. I see water drinking everywhere. Hardly is there a Coke bottle laying around, or anything loaded with sugar like we see in the United States and honestly, it does the body good. Wonder why those Milk drinking adds never sold some creative ideas to Dasani or something...

"Jake, if you want to take the stairs, we'll take the stairs...

There's always a choice. What's wrong with the stairs?

Come on, you'll be all right."

Trust me, if you get your body used to it you won't end up like Det. Ray Cole; dead on a StairMaster. 

Shameless Plug 

The Blog Post About Nothing

WARNING: The Title Says it ALL. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK 

They say patience is a virtue; if you're still reading the nonsense I write, you've got a boatload of virtuous bones in your body. Cudos. No seriously though, I would apologize about my delayed absence from the blogging world but, frankly, I just didn't have any time to write. This past weekend was Thanksgiving, Germany style, and while Dexter, my host father and I were slaving around fixing up two 30 pound turkeys, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, cranberry sauce, mac & cheese and corn bread you all were expecting me to write something? Not gonna happen.  Interestingly enough, I still don't have anything to write about, and as a beautiful, poetic, response to that; I'm going to write about having nothing to write.

Catering Service Always Open
Photo Rights Reserved for Dexter.Gulicks.Beard , LLC 

Have you ever had a thought wisp into your head, resting there pestering your entire conscience? Well I have, like a million times per day. Half of them (no exaggeration) I end up saying "I should probably blog about that" and then the next minute, poof they're gone. I don't even know where they dissappear to, one minute they're in my head and then they vanish like my brain just didn't have enough room for one more minute, finite, thought. That's the life of a writer (not that I proclaim to be a writer, per ce, but I'm someone who does enjoy to write). I can't imagine the frustration they go through on a daily basis, thinking of literary genius, only to see it float away in the clutter of our modern/post-modern, post-skype,facebook,twitter world that idolizes the quick, multitasking and nonsensical.

Yikes, a bit of a pessimistic thought, especially since most of my viewers have gotten to my blog realm thanks to this modern/post-modern, post-skype, facebook,twitter world that ideolizes the quick, multitasking and nonsensical. Show of hands, how many of you are doing something else right this second. I certainly am.

Whoops...

Where'd You Go? 

They say a lot of work goes into writing something that people would enjoy reading. I think that's an understatement. All those thoughts that suddenly disappear, like all the matching socks in the world, would make the most brilliant blog posts if I could remember them; instead I have to sit on it for a while, waiting for some kind of inspiration to hit me...

...still waiting.

This is the point where you all question yourselves for not listening to my warning only a few short paragraphs up. It's like those spam E-Mails that people send out:

 "Don't Scroll Down!" I scroll down, 

"No REALLY, you DON'T want to do this" I really want to do this!!

"You are ABOUT TO SEE SOMETHING TERRIBLE" Try me... 

"I am WARNING YOU IF YOU KEEP SCROLLING YOUR WHOLE LIFE WILL BE CHANGED" Challenge accepted. 

So this is my blog form version of such E-Mails. 

Don't. Scroll. Down. 

This is the part where you verbally say "Challenge accepted" to your computer screen. Looking completely and utterly foolish while sitting in Starbucks sipping on your peppermint mocha lattes. 'tis the season  

But seriously, can I get credit? I am writing a wholly entertaining blog post without saying ANYTHING. I suppose I'm venting about the frustrations of writing, which is something I think you all should appreciate, especially since I'd like to have an excuse for when my blogging decreases to once every eight months. If you did the math correctly, that would mean one more blog post during my stay in Germany. At that point, it'd be a book, not a blog.

Notice, this was the first time I said the word Germany in... 612 words. The average person reads, on a monitor, about 200 words per minute. Factoring in that you're probably adding to the drawl of our modern/post-modern, post-skype,facebook,twitter world that idolizes the quick, multitasking and nonsensical, you've probably wasted about five to ten minutes of your life reading a blog that has literally no substance...you could have watched a Rebecca Black YouTube video instead.

You guys really need to prioritize.