The Golden Years

 "The bad news is that time flies. 

The good news is that you're the pilot."

-Anonymous

I have been away from the keyboard for quite some time. It's not that I had nothing to write about, quite the contrary actually. As usual there are many half-completed thoughts, posts, and notes that my eyes continue to scurry across but each time I look to finish one of them, I find myself running directly into a block I cannot conquer. It took me up until today; I found my muse in the form of a blog post I just read, it was the adventures of a twenty-something like me on the travel path. It got me thinking (as always, a dangerous thought) and I know why I can't write right now: with my time waning down here in Germany, my heart is starting to get just a little bit heavier. Every day at work is one day closer to my last, every missed opportunity to see friends, have deep conversations with my host family and basically just absorb everything I can has so much more weight than it did a few months ago. That means I have to pick what I want to write about more carefully. 

Today I'm feeling especially poetic so I will put this down before I go yet another day without blogging.

After joking and discussing our program to great extent months ago, my friends and I came to the conclusion that our exchange year is, at its best, a microcosmic view of life. I'll expound upon that thought a bit here:

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We started naked, bare, quite unprepared for what lay before us. Our bibs were washed clean and lessons taught to us before curious souls were let loose into a new world. Quickly we scrambled to learn the language, master its nuances, find our routines and adjust to our new lives. Passions were found, favorite foods, beers, wines, sports, parks, museums, homes. 

Suddenly, unexpectedly creeping up on us like a thief in the night, we were kicked out the door, forced to up and move to a new place, make new friends and take everything we'd learned in our developmental phases with us towards the future. There were bumps along the road, friendships that never worked out, maybe even a low point or two but we made it through. We were no longer fledglings, we'd found our sea legs: there were new friends, new routines, new experiences and above all there were moments we'd wake up and say "I'm doing this, not everyone can (or even has the opportunity) to integrate into a new culture and make it work." Honestly, we were making strides; ready to settle into our new lives. 

Perhaps a relocation or two were still involved, maybe even an entirely new plan we'd never expected, but once things got comfortable we were once again swept off our feet. This time it was a little more expected; we had, after all chosen our own paths and we'd proudly made it to the employed world. Careers were budding, more responsibilities piled upon us day by day. There were certainly disappointing days, maybe even a disappointing career choice or two but they were our mistakes to make and our decisions to rectify. 

And here we are now, nearing the twilight of our careers. Thinking of what still has to be done and what we're still regretting not doing. Looking forward to those two weeks in July as our quasi-retirement vacations. There will be plenty of sun, plenty of enjoyment, and remembering everything that happened to us over the past year, but just as we start to yearn to go back, maybe even need to go back, our German lives vanish.

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Please don't take it the wrong way, I don't mean to be a downer. On the contrary I think it's beautiful to be able to have such a swell of mixed emotion and feeling about something as grand as life in one year. But this Cliff's Notes version of our program, and on some more abstract scale of life, is only to be  used as a device for the main thought that's been pressing me again today. 

Don't waste your time putting things off. 

I came into this year with so many goals to accomplish, so many dreams I was certain I would get done. Granted I will get most of them done before I leave, but it's the ones I will not get done that will stick with me. 

I never got to London, a shame because I would have loved to hear that funny accent and flaunt my beautiful southern twang as I reminded the redcoats that ours is english too. 

I never saw every German state. I will get through more than half, yes, but to truly understand the differences in cultures and come to my all-encompassing thesis of Germany I need to hit them all.

I missed out on some friendships that could have been worthwhile. This one is less dramatic to me because I have fostered plenty of great relationships with people I get along well with, maybe I am just greedy. 

This is a life lesson I've learned over and over again. Maybe writing it out will help it to stick this time. My lesson to you, you curious reader you, is to do things that make you happy, make sure that you find a way to prioritize and get them done. Time doesn't wait on us, some much wiser woman than I could ever hope to be (except the woman part) said that, “Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” So I will empart Mother Teresa's advice unto you. Don't use age, whether it be too old or too young as an excuse not to do something, and don't let your dreams or goals slip away without fighting for them. 

German Clifford is getting older, his bones creek in the morning, his teeth need work, the gray hairs have become oh so noticeable and he can't keep up with the youngsters anymore. But that doesn't mean he's not going to cling to every moment, every memory from this point forward to see and do things he may never get to do again. 

And you should too, wherever you are.