Through the Looking Glass

"Things do not change; we change"

-Henry David Thoreau 

This blog post was started and finished on March 6, 2013. One of the rare times I've sat down with an idea and just shot it out without having to go to sleep, getting up and going somewhere or running straight into writer's block. The purpose of this statement is to say that a little over half of my time in German is behind me: a perfect time for a post like this I think.

There's nothing like getting up and leaving everything you've ever known behind.

Those securities that you once had: the familiar places you could frequent whenever you needed a little reminder of who you are vanish mercilessly. All you're left with is your bare bones, whatever you lugged on your back, and a subtle understanding of how human interactions work, hoping your awkward social skills will reap the rewards of a golden friendship or two. It's a rather liberating experience really: going to a new place where no one knows you, all the regrets, mistakes, etc. but a thing of the past....

...but that necessarily means that all the joys, triumphs and things that made you who you are also become a thing of the past. We're humans. Our personalities develop thanks to the interactions we have with other people; they're what we exude when we're around our friends and family.

Everyone should have an experience like my year in Germany. I know, I know, we don't all have the resources, time, or desire to up and relocate halfway across the world; the traveling part isn't important. It's the introspection. Maybe I'm an outlier and the rest of you guys are busy in self-reflection every minute of your normal lives but for me, it's something that's been magnified ten-fold after up and leaving everything behind. If my hunch is correct; however, and you're not, then maybe it's worth looking into for yourself.

No pun intended. 

We're stuck in a world that moves so fast. It's not necessarily a bad thing, hey, the increase in productivity of humanity has probably multiplied so many times over it's incalculable. Then again, it's not necessarily a good thing when I have to sit down and write a blog post about how important it is to be introspective.

What exactly happens when we no longer have our families and friends as an outlet to express ourselves? What parts of us grow? What parts of us shrink? What are the lifeless things that we can leave behind and what are the aspects of ourselves are inextricably linked to who we are? The questions certainly linger in one's head on those cold and lonely nights; far away from everything one's ever known and not quite in the mood to see every new and strange feature of one's new, foreign asylum as an adventure.

They've certainly popped into my head a time or two.

The problem with writing a blog in one sitting and in a spontaneous manner such as this one right now is that there comes a crossroad where you have to decide the next heading of the post. It's an awkward time; I'll liken it to the last two minutes before the 2nd and 4th quarters of a three point basketball or football game: so called "crunch time". Execute well and you are crowned victorious (victory in my eyes is you all's enjoyment); stumble, make small errors or choose the wrong set of plays (topics) and suffer defeat (boredom on the part of my readers). Well here it goes readers.

Down. Red Eighty-Two, Red Eighty-Two. Hic!

Not Football...in case you didn't know.

Perhaps to this point, I've made it (the introspective lulls of semi-expatriate life) sound a bit melancholy; on the contrary, it's a beautiful, liberating, enlightening sort of journey. There are so many aspects of myself that have been stretched, pulled upon, prodded and dragged out of me during my time here. What my values are, how I am around people I don't know, who I gravitate towards as friends, acquaintances, confidents...it's all a rather deep and intimate kind of development. It's something that makes you wonder why people get so comfortable in routines. Why are people so content with settling down in one place and doing one thing. Security? Fear? Good, cogent answers, but let's take it a bit further. Maybe it's the fear that getting to know those foreign sides of ourselves--the sides of us we don't like as much--those inner distant cousins who we hate to be around because they make those stinging comments that are so true but no one wants to hear. The "you've really put on weight in the last few months" or the "well that thing you did last month was dumb as crap"

The stuff that no one wants to hear. That's what our other sides bring to the table. That's why so many people settle in to doing one thing, forget about security, forget about comfort. On some intimate level it's that we might not like what we find out about ourselves if we up and try something new. We're terrified of adversity and so we're terrified our other sides.

There we go--back to melancholy. The point is: we're wrong for hiding from our inner selves as much as we do. They can teach us great things about who we are and I am so glad for those cold, lonely nights far away from everything I've ever known--the types of nights you can't get without, say, up and moving to Germany. Without them I wouldn't have learned some valuable things about myself.

And that's worth an extra blanket or two.