The Blog Post About Nothing

WARNING: The Title Says it ALL. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK 

They say patience is a virtue; if you're still reading the nonsense I write, you've got a boatload of virtuous bones in your body. Cudos. No seriously though, I would apologize about my delayed absence from the blogging world but, frankly, I just didn't have any time to write. This past weekend was Thanksgiving, Germany style, and while Dexter, my host father and I were slaving around fixing up two 30 pound turkeys, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, cranberry sauce, mac & cheese and corn bread you all were expecting me to write something? Not gonna happen.  Interestingly enough, I still don't have anything to write about, and as a beautiful, poetic, response to that; I'm going to write about having nothing to write.

Catering Service Always Open
Photo Rights Reserved for Dexter.Gulicks.Beard , LLC 

Have you ever had a thought wisp into your head, resting there pestering your entire conscience? Well I have, like a million times per day. Half of them (no exaggeration) I end up saying "I should probably blog about that" and then the next minute, poof they're gone. I don't even know where they dissappear to, one minute they're in my head and then they vanish like my brain just didn't have enough room for one more minute, finite, thought. That's the life of a writer (not that I proclaim to be a writer, per ce, but I'm someone who does enjoy to write). I can't imagine the frustration they go through on a daily basis, thinking of literary genius, only to see it float away in the clutter of our modern/post-modern, post-skype,facebook,twitter world that idolizes the quick, multitasking and nonsensical.

Yikes, a bit of a pessimistic thought, especially since most of my viewers have gotten to my blog realm thanks to this modern/post-modern, post-skype, facebook,twitter world that ideolizes the quick, multitasking and nonsensical. Show of hands, how many of you are doing something else right this second. I certainly am.

Whoops...

Where'd You Go? 

They say a lot of work goes into writing something that people would enjoy reading. I think that's an understatement. All those thoughts that suddenly disappear, like all the matching socks in the world, would make the most brilliant blog posts if I could remember them; instead I have to sit on it for a while, waiting for some kind of inspiration to hit me...

...still waiting.

This is the point where you all question yourselves for not listening to my warning only a few short paragraphs up. It's like those spam E-Mails that people send out:

 "Don't Scroll Down!" I scroll down, 

"No REALLY, you DON'T want to do this" I really want to do this!!

"You are ABOUT TO SEE SOMETHING TERRIBLE" Try me... 

"I am WARNING YOU IF YOU KEEP SCROLLING YOUR WHOLE LIFE WILL BE CHANGED" Challenge accepted. 

So this is my blog form version of such E-Mails. 

Don't. Scroll. Down. 

This is the part where you verbally say "Challenge accepted" to your computer screen. Looking completely and utterly foolish while sitting in Starbucks sipping on your peppermint mocha lattes. 'tis the season  

But seriously, can I get credit? I am writing a wholly entertaining blog post without saying ANYTHING. I suppose I'm venting about the frustrations of writing, which is something I think you all should appreciate, especially since I'd like to have an excuse for when my blogging decreases to once every eight months. If you did the math correctly, that would mean one more blog post during my stay in Germany. At that point, it'd be a book, not a blog.

Notice, this was the first time I said the word Germany in... 612 words. The average person reads, on a monitor, about 200 words per minute. Factoring in that you're probably adding to the drawl of our modern/post-modern, post-skype,facebook,twitter world that idolizes the quick, multitasking and nonsensical, you've probably wasted about five to ten minutes of your life reading a blog that has literally no substance...you could have watched a Rebecca Black YouTube video instead.

You guys really need to prioritize.

Send Me Forget-Me-Nots

So I'm currently sitting in a McDonalds, on my MacBook, picking pieces of french fry salt off of my fingertips cautiously before pressing them to the white Apple product's keyboard, Dr. Dre's Solo Red Beats are blasting "N*ggas in Paris into my overly-victimized-by-music ears. This is actually completely by coincidence, but very fitting seeing as what I'm about to write about seems to be titular to my situation. Aside from my headphones, which are pretty much the modus operandi in the US the rest of my outer appearance wouldn't illicit any sort of second glances wearing burgundy colored pants, a matching scarf and a chocolaty fedora.

It's all merging together! 

This is perhaps, the most indicative sign of the syndrome that Jay Z & Kanye West were thinking of when they decided to make such a catchy song.

At this point I've spent more time in Germany than my other two times weighing in at a few over 100 days and if it at any point felt foreign and odd, that has all evaporated; quite contrarily, its the memories of America that seem to be fading rapidly, the things I would earlier eaten my hat if I'd got them wrong, I would now tentatively answer; tip toeing around the hard questions about what it's really like in America, afraid I may be confusing things I've observed here as the "norm" for back stateside.

Okay, George Washington was the first elected American President, the Constitution was written & ratified in 1787 & 1788, the flag is red white & blue with 50 stars and 13 stripes. Give me a break I don't mean the easy stuff that has been ground (I wrote "grinded" the first time) into my head time and time again, I mean the real, tangible America.

The interesting thing is it's really not an issue. Last year, when the aforementioned song came out I was comfortable in Frankfurt with one of my good friends, laughing & chuckling at how fitting it was that we were busy living life to the fullest with an aptly titled song telling us how to live. I always had America in the back of my head, though, everything was like an extended vacation with the end always well within reach, this time the "end" is the very last thing I want to think about.

What exactly, beyond spending a majority of my twenty-two years there, is the everlasting allure of the US? I think some of the charm has worn off. I am so proud to be American and I love my country very much but I can't hide the fact that I have an equally open love for Germany and as I've been here I've had a hard time distinguishing what is truly the essence of American culture, it's going to be fun to dissect that more as my time here continues to grow longer but for now I need a reminder of some sorts. I thought the election provided me the proper jolt that would make everything crystal clear, on the contrary it only made things more muddled (you know, the bickering, name calling and bullcrap cannot always be masked by the red, white and blue confetti and Barack's captivating smile)

But honestly, I was thinking about it as I heard the police sirens of a German police car speed by. My mind was confused as I asked myself, "what do American police sirens sound like?" and then I thought of all the things about America that I've forgotten, or even more appalling, I've never even thought about:

What is the sound of the average American home's telephone? Germany has a distinct ring tone that I would gander 70% of all stationary phones use; from the home that I've been in for a little over a month to the restaurant in the middle of Boonies, Deutschland with the most delicious desserts known to man.

What does free water taste like? Yes, water is still a problem but I've adjusted rather well to the constant dehydration, you simply just reprogram your body to not need the fluid. But in America I'm pretty sure there's this thing called free refills, what do they taste like? What's the quality of free water, it's one of those things I wonder about, can it really be as good as bottled water? Germany's made me water elitist, sue me.

Are there any clocks on military time? Can't lie, I'm not sure I'll ever set my phone back to the 12 hour clock. It just doesn't make sense anymore.

What Channel is ESPN? This might be cheating, on basic cable I knew it like the back of my hand, 31 in NC, 46 in ATL but seriously, with my digital box back stateside I'm going to struggle so hard finding the channels I usually frequent. My laptop has become my best friend for all things streaming.

How do Automatic Cars Feel? I love the feel of the ride in a manual car, so smooth, so responsive, so willing to be driven. What is the appeal of automatic? Is the actually a reason we love them so much or is it just the whole convenience thing? 

It's just crazy how many things about my home country I've forgotten, of course there are more but these are the ones that I've taken thought to ponder. Honestly the fact is pretty scary, how quickly the things that are minute get replaced with other things equally minute. Such a introspective post I've written here!

So tell me America...what's your lasting appeal?

Politically Correct

I woke up this morning to realize that the first few days of November had slipped through my hands. Granted, I've been fairly busy the past few days hanging out in Osnabrück with fellow PPPlers Jesse and Dexter, playing a Lacrosse game in Mainz, hanging out with the guest brother in some pretty awesome shack in the middle of the woods, and finally watching the Panthers look like a shadow of what I expected them to be this weekend, but I woke up and it was November 5th.

 Fun Fact: 17/18 elections since 1940 have been "predicted" by the Redskins result on the Sunday before the election. Redskins lose, incumbent loses, so if you believe in superstition, be prepared to hear "President Romney" pretty soon.


 November 5th, that means in two days I will know whether we will still be on 44 or have moved on to 45 in terms of presidential electees. Where did that time go? It's really astonishing how quickly the flow of the 2012 Presidential Campaign has gone, but I'd have to say that from my perspective, this has been the most compelling race and not only because it appears that it's going to be close as all get out, but also because being on the other side of the pond, I don't have to endure the nonsensical political campaigning that would otherwise tarnish the (fairly unbiased) perspectives I have of both candidates' platforms in the 2012 reboot of "President Wars: The Republicans Strike Back"

Notice I said fairly unbiased.

It's Elementary My Dear...

Now being here in Germany, I can say one thing for certain. If Obama were running in Deutschland against Romney, it wouldn't even be close. Granted, this is from the fairly liberal perspective of students and my highly educated guest family, but I mean it's not even close. Everyone who I befriend asks me about the election, whether I've voted already, and if I voted for Obama. In that order, maybe sometimes they'll ask an intermediate question, such as "Where are you from in the US" or "What are you doing in Germany" but up through the election, I'm certain they will ask if I picked their horse in the race.

"In spite of everything: A Hero"

Which makes it very interesting to me to see the actual European perspective. We can drop all the rhetoric we want about having a bad international reputation, but I can tell you with 99% certainty that a great majority of my conversations over elections in Germany have implied a huge Obama slant. Of course this is a small sample size and doesn't correlate at all to the European attitude as a whole, but I have never quite understood why, even after some really appalling gaffes, Willard Mitt Romney had a puncher's chance at the clawing back into the election to the point that's been "too close to call" for a month now.

Why would Germans lean towards the more progressive candidate? No trick questions there.

The Great Debaters 

I only learned one thing from the debates that I was skeptical of before. Willard Mitt Romney is a well spoken, well prepared debater. The time difference made it really hard to tune into the debates without the rampant bile spewed by the media reaching me, but after watching all three the mornings after I say the result of the debates are as follow: 1) Romney win by large margin, 2) Obama win by very small margin (if only because he stopped the bleeding after looking like a zombie in debate one), 3)  Tie.


Presidential Debate Checklist:

• Point fingers, a lot of fingers
• Deny, slip around, or straight out ignore accusations against your person, party or beliefs
• Ad Hominem is your best friend
• Find the Straw Man, light him on fire
• Smile for the camera, look "presidential" 
• Do not lose your cool

Sure we can find some really great mouthpieces, (my new favorite pickup line is: "Wanna hop in my binder, baby? I can carry you all around the world with me." What do you think ladies?) but the fact remains is that I am not skeptical of Romney's intellectual prowess, nor am I skeptical of his track record as a businessman. The only problem I have, a foreseeable one at that, is that he wavers on some really critical points and that isn't something I am okay with.

On the other side, Obama has certainly not kept all his campaign promises (a ridiculous expectation from our populous anyway, in this bipartisan hell hole that we have created in recent years) and he should be held accountable for some mishaps in American government, Benghazi comes to mind quickly as a scab the opposition continues to press firmly against, but as an American citizen in Europe, I can tell you that international relations, at least in this area, would seem to be maintained "more effectively" with Obama in the White House.

He's loved overseas, come on, this is the same guy who won a preemptive Nobel Peace Prize just for being a brother in office. No need to sugar coat it.

So...who's it gonna be?

I honestly couldn't tell you. My heart says that enough people will mobilize and Barry will win a few critical states and stave off the fierce run that Mittens made during this campaign. My head says that all the polls are complete crap, and once people get behind the comfort of anonymity anything can happen and a liberally slanted media is not going to prevent Romney from taking home the crown. So...really, I can just tell you I don't know. I will be  surprised tomorrow evening, at around 2 AM either way. I just hope we put our country in good hands...I don't want to come back to mayhem.